Balance, This issue

Keeping Connected

by Minx Boren, MCC

The importance of cultivating friendship in a busy world

It’s not an overstatement to say that most of us have never lived through such stressful times. Stop and ask yourself, “How am I coping?” As women we know instinctively that we thrive and discover ourselves best through our friendships and connections. But who has time and opportunity to foster these relationships now when we need them the most? Tend and befriend is the phrase used to describe a woman’s tendency to gather with other women for comfort and support when the going gets tough. Research shows that, unlike men, whose testosterone driven brains react with instincts of fight or flight, as women we respond to stress with a flood of brain chemicals, including oxytocin which calms us and countermands fight or flight. We are physiologically encouraged to both gather the children and seek out, develop, and maintain friendships. The big bonus is that, as we do so, even more oxytocin is released, further supporting this calming effect and therefore, further easing the stress. The clincher is that estrogen seems to fortify the effect of oxytocin while
testosterone reduces it.

Did you know that tending to your friendships is a way to also tend to your health and wellbeing? A recent study at UCLA suggests that not only are women relational by nature but that our friendships may be a potent antidote to stress. Multiple studies also show that social ties reduce our risk of disease by lowering blood pressure, heart rate, and cholesterol. The Nurses’ Health Study from Harvard Medical School found that there is a direct correlation between more friendships and fewer physical impairments due to aging. The nurses were also more likely to feel that they were leading joyful lives. Given the stress we live in, doesn’t it just make sense for us to seek more ways to tend and befriend one another?

Modern lifestyles make this more difficult to achieve. It seems our roots are becoming more shallow as we move from city to city (whether permanently or because our jobs keep us flying from here to there) pursuing opportunities. Also, in today’s more mobile world, family and friends are often scattered in all directions. Modern day links frequently involve telephones and electronic correspondence with only occasional face-to-face opportunities to reach out and touch someone, to nurture old friendships or to build new ones.

So what’s a woman to do? To nurture the friendships you hold dear and to even expand your circle of connections, here are some quick and easy suggestions worth considering:

• Be a bit old fashioned. Schedule tea for two in your day planner every week and meet either in person or by phone for a deeply connective ½ hour.

• Invite a few best friends to an old fashioned PJ party. If necessary, chip in and hire a baby sitter to take care of the kids (at a PJ party of their own). For more ideas go to: http://www.authenticwoman.com/pajama/pj_retreats.html

• Gather some girlfriends together with aprons and bags of groceries to mix up a group dinner. Fill up on both food and friendship. Make conversation while making a meal. Carry on while cleaning up.

• Make time for a walk-talk with a buddy each week. Great exercise with great company. What could be better?

• Buddy up when things are tough. Going through a challenge or a crisis? Call on a wisewoman friend who is willing to listen deeply and reflect back to you who you really are – your strengths and talents, your  knowledge and intuitive knowings. Spend time heartstorming together about next best steps and possibilities.

• Build new bridges. Search out opportunities and networking events to connect with women in the neighborhood, in the community, and in the larger arenas in which you participate. Whether it’s an interest in a charity or a sport (yours or your child’s) or your work/career or some idea you’re passionate about, seek out like-minded others.

• Find reasons to celebrate. Make an effort to celebrate your friends’ milestones and achievements. Make it fun, make it easy, make it happen. Support is one of the great gifts of friendship so offer yours.

With a little imagination and effort, plus some creative time management, you can find ways to stay truly connected, even in this 24/7, “on the go” time we live in.

have you gone on a walk-talk lately?
…what a grand journey it can be going nowhere
around the blocks of the old neighborhood maybe
or along the beach at sunrise…
from Feeling My Way – 99 Poetic Journeys by Minx Boren

Minx Boren MCC is a poet, author, speaker and Master Certified Coach. She lives in Jupiter, Florida and works both locally and nationally.